Do you ever feel like you have to give in to bad habits? It could mean losing your temper, drinking alcohol, looking at pornography, or even going to the snack machine twice a day.

And what about “giving in” to good habits? It could mean going to the gym three days a week, drinking several glasses of water each day, brushing your teeth before bed, or reading stories to your children each night.

Do our habits control us? Why is it so hard to stop a habit? Can habits change?

How are habits created, anyway?

Let’s spend some time learning about habits. They are much more powerful than most of us suspect, and they can do much harm (or good).

The good news is we are not powerless against them. Not at all.

But there are a few tricks involved, and without understanding them you will have a much harder time dealing with your habits.

My eyes are opened wide to the topic now, and I’d love to discuss what I’m learning with you. It’s all about change and growth and decisions and repetition and scripting.

Are you tired of feeling helpless? Are you eager to change a habit? Are you really in control?

Follow me.

We have so much to learn. Let’s figure it out together.

For a head start, go read The Power of Habit. It’s a phenomenal resource, and a great read.

Essentialism has really been challenging me. It is so difficult for me to reign in my commitments.

I am so far from what the author calls the disciplined pursuit of less.

This begs the question — how do I get there from here?

The last few days, I have felt bogged down, without a moment to stop and think. This is a bad place to be, according to the book. When we don’t make time to play and relax, stress occurs.

And I’ve been feeling stressed!

The author is challenging me to say no. In a healthy, good boundaries type of way. I just might have to miss deadlines to preserve my sanity and provide time to rest. (As I type this, I can think of two tasks overdue right now!)

The disciplined pursuit of less is the opposite of the undisciplined pursuit of more. I’ve been there — I’m there now — and I don’t like it one bit.

The goal is to do fewer things better. Or deeper. Or more actively.

My practice for today? Making this post short and sweet so I can get to bed!

I’m reading the book Essentialism now and it’s forcing me to answer a very difficult question. Likewise, I am asking you.

What few things are most important for you to do?

It’s incredibly important for you to determine the answer to this question.

If you don’t decide what is most important, your time will be eaten away by the nonessential stuff of life. You will get lost in what Stephen R. Covey calls the thick of thin things.

Ain’t nobody got time for that!

And that’s exactly my point.

It’s so easy to say yes. It’s easy to make people happy. It’s easy to commit and accept more responsibility.

It’s easy to get everything done.

And by getting everything done, I mean doing it poorly.

Instead, you must say no more. Practice it a few times wherever you are. If you are in a quiet workplace, I want you to imagine saying it louder and louder in your mind.

… no… No… NO!!!

The point is for you to reserve your resources (time, money, attention, etc) for the few things you can do very well. Only you can fulfill your God-given shape!

It’s all trade-offs. By saying yes to your passions, you will disappoint others and even miss out on pretty good stuff.

However, much worse is this — by saying yes to every opportunity from everyone else, you say no to your dreams and passions.

Trade-offs are absolute jerks when misused. When used well, however, they leverage deep fulfillment and achievement. Essentialism is being a good steward with your available resources.

It’s about being intentional.

Essentialism is being very selective about your commitments and activities so you can make progress on your lifelong goals.

This will mean saying “No” to plenty of good opportunities.

… so you can say “YES!” to the great ones. (Now that’s a good trade-off!)

Essentialism is certainly not going to be easy. But if you don’t practice it, your time — which is far more valuable than money, by the way — will be sucked into the leadership vacuum.

Self-leadership, that is.

Is there such a thing as an overnight success, or is it a myth? If it does exist, can you somehow plan for explosive success or make it happen in your life?

We’d all like to think there are formulas to get rich quick or become an overnight success. We want to believe we can fast-track our careers or be able to play the piano well after six months of lessons. After months of working seven days a week, we try to get on good terms with the family during a brief weekend getaway.

I was going to write an elaborate, well-organized post on this topic, but let’s just get to the point.

Do you really think these strategies will work? As in, long term?

There are definitely some stories of lottery winners, risk-taking entrepreneurs, and lucky investors who found success (money, fame, status) pretty quickly. But these are so rare they are not worth studying!

If you think you can avoid the hard work of sowing and still reap the rewards, you are gravely mistaken. Every person of worth whom you admire has gone through endless failures, poverty, depression, death of loved ones, and other struggles you don’t ever want to see for yourself. You still want their success without everything which precedes it.

Overnight success? More like decades of struggles!

Remember, you work your tail off for fifteen years and you are suddenly an overnight success.
–Dave Ramsey, EntreLeadership

Winning the lottery when you turn 65 is a lousy retirement strategy. A much better one is to set aside money every paycheck so you can retire with dignity.

What? Don’t get mad at me! It’s momentum and compound interest over time. It’s cause and effect, and there is no avoiding it.

You can’t talk yourself out of a problem you’ve behaved yourself into.
–Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

And like Stephen R. Covey’s quote, you can’t easily fill in a hole you’ve been digging for years.

God introduces blessings and hardships here and there, no matter what, but you should not bet on them. You cannot blame him for your failure. You choose your own direction and intensity.

Thus, you choose to be an “overnight success.” Slowly. Daily. Consistently.

Starting now.

Whether it happens months or decades from now, you will end up somewhere. And your actions will have brought you there.

Do you ever feel like you’re supposed to do random tasks? Tasks you wouldn’t normally do and which don’t really make any sense?

I seem to get random urges here and there. Not immature desires — something more meaningful. (I’ve had the immature desires plenty of times — this is completely different!)

Often it’s the desire to email or call a friend out of the blue. Sometimes it’s to write a post on this blog I’m don’t want to write. Occasionally it’s to be extremely vulnerable in front of an “unsafe” person.

Or, something I would have a very hard time explaining to anyone else.

Other examples:
Paying for the meal of the person in line behind you. Sending someone a hand-written card. Praying for an old friend randomly.

Do you ever get strange urges like this?

I like to imagine we’re watering seeds with these random tasks. There is life hidden beneath the ground, and these deeds water seeds underground, previously planted by God.

I’ll never understand it. It just seems like we have very little to do with the whole thing. We just need to obey the simple task when we feel led to.

When we don’t get to see the results of our task, the large majority of the time, we have to trust it is meaningful and timely to someone who needs to be watered.

But once in a blue moon, only if we follow through, we might get a glimpse of the reason why we had the random urge.

And when we do get to see what happens afterward, it suddenly makes perfect sense.