Sick Time is for the Weak

I’m sick of sick people. And sick time as a benefit. I have no patience for illness, and the weak have no future here. There’s no time to be sick — there’s infinite work to be done!

My company offers sick time, same as most. But after several seconds of thought, I decided to cut our sick time in half for 2014. For the good of everyone who works here. I have excellent reasons, as listed below.

Why Sick Time Needs to Disappear

1. Employees abuse it.

When I used to work for the government, there was no flexibility on sick time. You had a bucket of hours available, and they could only be used for medical appointments and illness. If it wasn’t used up, it would expire at the end of the fiscal year.

Did those saps expect me not to use it all? I’m perfectly healthy, so I had to be creative. Like all awesome leaders, I found ways to use up my sick time budget right before it expired… to justify asking for more next year, of course! We all know budget increases are basically a reward for craftiness.

And this is exactly why I want to cut sick time in half — to thwart shady employees like the one mentioned above!

(This policy will affect absolutely all underlings, except for the top layer of leadership, which is not under anything, including the law.)

2. Sick time encourages employees to feel sick.

The thought of getting paid for time spent at any old medical appointment or at home with a cold is enough to make anyone feel awful. By reducing their sick time, my underlings will feel better, especially since their sickness will likely result in unpaid time off.

3. Employees don’t value work time enough.

Similar to my thoughts on vacation time, employees don’t realize how awesome work really is and how they should be doing it 90 hours a week.

Leadership Vacuum Top Tip

Let’s just admit it — too much of a good thing is a great thing.

Some time systems only allow you to clock in 40 hours, but I make my employees track every hour worked “for HR tracking purposes.” Tracking total hours worked constantly forces them to be aware of how much they love work more than other things!

4. Sick time is for the weak.

And the weak have no place here. Enough said!

W. Albert Jameson, IV

On the other hand…
Kicking your team members while they are down will only make them even more sick — sick of how you treat them. Also, if you don’t want team members abusing a valid system of benefits, hire better people.