Holidays are the detriment of our society, and you are the cause. Do you have any idea how much damage you do in a single unnecessary day away from work?

Yes, I’m talking to you. You, who lazily took the day off from work. You are the antithesis of the principles I uphold. In case you do not see the point, allow me to be my own handwriting on the wall.

You Americans suffer from balance. (Please know that though I am an American, I am excluded from the wrath of this message as I don’t have this problem.) You think you can just leave work and come back after a few days away, picking up right where you left off, feeling refreshed. You cannot help but be overcome by the desire for integration of various facets of your lives. You weakly give in to your priorities. You foolishly attempt to tend to your families and homes and friends and chores and hobbies. Has it clicked for you yet? Don’t you see what’s going on here?

These are symptoms of a discipline vacuum.

And thus, you have arrived at my point. You are losing sight of the second most important thing in life — WORK, of course!

Work is where we belong. It is our destiny to serve decades there without an end in sight. Isn’t it wonderful?! Work is its own reward, and it’s amazing that we get paid for it at all. (It’s hard to explain, though, and I’m tired because I stayed up late watching Seinfeld reruns, so I’ll do that some other time.) However, don’t be fooled by delusions of significance at work, for you will never enjoy your life sentence chained to a job. But cheer up! Though work is indeed a life sentence, realize that after you spend time maintaining relationships and sustaining your body with food and sleep, it is only one third of your life! That’s not bad at all.

Respect the forces that keep you grateful for the weekend. Be grateful you have those! Pay your dues — and your taxes while you’re at it. By the way, did you figure out what the most important thing in life is? It is obviously money, which can only be attained through toilsome work. I’ll have to write about that when I return from a day at the beach with the family. Oh, judging me, are you? You obviously fail to realize that my heart will be at work even when my guts are not — the mark of a true professional.

For your own good, discipline yourself to hit the grind today. Above all, ignore your desire to rest — on Labor Day, of all days!

Laboringly,
W. Albert Jameson, IV