I want to spend more time with thoroughbreds. I’m done wasting my time with those without any significant pedigree. If I’ve never heard of your university, how awesome can you really be?

Not awesome at all, to answer my own question. Likewise, if you have no respect for my pedigree, then I want nothing to do with you. How dare people be so ignorant of a fantastic education!

I have hired ivy-league applicants based on their resume alone, before meeting them. These talented individuals can be difficult to work with, but that is the price of an excellent bloodline.

I’m a Cornell man, myself, and I’m too proud not to admit it. Those that don’t flaunt their alma mater have no dignity. Maybe it’s insecurity about their own intellectual heritage.

The value of a good pedigree is obvious. A well-known family name means prestige. A great car means a great salary. Expensive brands elicit recognition and respect from others.

How else will they know that you are awesome? You have to remind them constantly of your self worth enabled by pedigree and material possessions. You must spell out your value — sometimes literally, as some pedigree names are hard to recognize — since lesser people are not bright enough to figure it out themselves.

How else does all of this apply to the workplace? Easy. I have a BMW 7 Series company car leased to portray utmost success to my clients. (I’m holding out for a Lamborghini, though! Mostly because I love that the logo is a bull, my favorite animal.) I hold board meetings in the fanciest of restaurants, so everyone will know how important I am. Like the guy in a $5,000 suit is going to hold the door for the guy in a $300 suit.

It’s all about the pedigree. Accept it. Trust it. Hire it.

Pedigreely,
W. Albert Jameson, IV